Attitude is everything. Your glass is half empty? All you gotta do is turn it upside-down. Wah lah! Half full!
(Don’t mind that fresh stain on your carpet – just read on while I prove my point.)
Whoever said “you can’t teach an old dog a new trick” never met my old Dog Three.
First, I managed to train her to poop in the house. In recent weeks I noticed that she usually does it about 10 minutes after returning from a walk. When this happens I make big frustrated gestures and scold her loudly; then I feel guilty about it – she is after all about 105 people-years old – so I usually then pet her, kiss her on the snout and tell her it is alright. Being blind and deaf, she doesn’t catch the scolding part, just the petting and attention afterward.
In return, she has really helped me to perfect my turd-removal technique. I now know exactly which brand of TP has the right thickness and adhesive qualities for a good, no leakage hold. Through experimentation I also know the exact amount of pressure to exert and the angle at which to lift the . . . “package” in order to leave the least amount of residue on the floor. That is followed by the perfect floor cleaning solution to rid the house of any aromatic or bacterial traces of the incident.