Day 10

So.

When I go to bed tonight, I will mentally pat myself on the back for going 10 straight days without . . .  self-administered carbon monoxide, tar and approximately 6997 other chemical poisonings. I can’t yet brag about giving up nicotine yet, because in weaker moments, I am falling back on various other delivery systems for that particular drug. The plan is to make it through the first month in this way and then detox completely when my stress levels plummet precipitously on July 1st.

I did look into a few other commonly used methods to conquer addiction, but none of them seemed particularly auspicious. There are all sorts of natural and/or homeopathic products, but deep down, I believe that you have to believe that they will work for them to work and I am not much of a believer. The same problem arose when I googled “12 Step Program”. Somehow I don’t see myself taking a fearless moral inventory of my character, admitting my defects to a higher Power and then humbly asking Him to remove these shortcomings. I also don’t plan to become missionary among my many MANY smoking friends. No, I will use my own (if I may say so myself, impressive) powers of denial to get me through.

This I know:

Thinking about quitting sucks big time. It is truly awful in its futile endlessness.

Quitting, at least so far, has been easy in its awesome finality.

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12 thoughts on “Day 10

  1. You can do it. Summon those awesome powers! It’s not the nicotine, but the fact that smoking wraps itself around and becomes associated with everything else you do… eating, drinking, taking breaks from braiding hair, after sex, watching TV, etc. It’s like my writing desk minus the coffee mug… something is missing. It’s summer, you could not have picked a better, less stressful time to quit. I’m proud of you, 227! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the touching comment!! And you are so right! The habitual aspects are almost harder to deal with than the addictive ones. I keep telling myself “There is nothing missing! It is all good!” And . . . so far, so good.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Brava, my friend! My hubby was a smoker before I met him and talks a lot about how it felt to breath again once he quit. Much like the first time I put on glasses and saw blades of grass for the first time. Hope you are experiencing some of the positive aspects already!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My relationship with money is a strange one and a subject for a future post. It is absolutely not a factor in this situation- not because I have so much of it, but because I have always had enough. And I have always had enough, because I never desired things I couldn’t afford and – living in a social welfare state – don’t have to be able to afford the things I really need.
        Does this make any sense?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It makes great sense. On a hierarchy of needs your basic needs are met and that’s satisfying. You have carved yourself a really nice life with two beautiful daughters, a job you enjoy (mostly), a husband who treats you as an equal and a beautiful backdrop. What’s left to want? Especially since you’ve taken back your health by way of smoking cessation. Perfection.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It is not quite as perfect as all that, but nevertheless, thanks friend.
        From what I have read, you can say a lot of this about your own life, too – the current and temporary, hellishly hot backdrop aside.

        Liked by 1 person

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